Russian strongman Vladimir Putin has unleashed a weapon of mass distraction.
In a bid to pretty-up the not-so-pretty image of the Russian army, Putin sent sexpot spy Anna Chapman on maneuvers with a tank unit that has been accused of aiding Moscow-backed rebels in Ukraine.
“It’s almost 6 a.m. and 3,000 handsome men are still sleeping,” Chapman purred on Russian Ren TV. “I am very lucky to be at the heart of my motherland’s army. It’s a very special day for me.”
Unlike the conscripts, the flame-haired Chapman wore makeup as she fired a Kalashnikov, rode around on a tank, and demonstrated how to kill with a knife.
“This is hugely untypical,” she helpfully informed viewers. “If I was a soldier in the regular army I would not have the right to put on lipstick.”
No frumpy uniform for Chapman, either.
“I’m so excited about getting the uniform,” she gushed in footage translated by The Daily Mail. “Is it the famous uniform designed by (Russian fashion designer) Valentin Yudashkin? Will it suit me? I will have to wear this for the entire day.”
And Chapman was practically giddy as she tromped around with the troops.
“This is so-called tactical training,” she told the camera. “It's very much like real life. I can almost feel the danger.”
Chapman, 32, was one of nine sleeper spies in the U.S. who were unmasked four years ago by the FBI and sent back to Mother Russia as part of a spy swap with Moscow.
Now a fixture on Russian TV, Chapman was enlisted in Putin’s propaganda war as Russia has been trying to justify annexing Ukrainian territory and backing Russian-speaking rebels in the eastern part of the country.
The Russian army is notorious for abusing its own men and Chapman expressed surprise that the barracks of the men assigned to the Kantemirovskaya division “have hot water here.”
“Until five minutes ago, I was sure all of our soldiers wash their face with cold water,” she said.
Ever the good soldier, Chapman also noted that “a Russian private gets almost 4,500 calories a day. This is twice more than a woman should eat to keep fit.”
Also, she said, “Our soldiers are better fed” than soldiers in the German, French or American armies.
“In the American army they fight obesity,” she added. “The Kantemirovskaya division fighters don't have this problem. Everyone here looks as is they were hand-picked.”
Chapman made sure to heap praise on Putin for keeping his troops well fed.
“As the saying goes, you can postpone a war but never a lunch,” she said. “To be honest, after everything I heard about the army, I was expecting to see barley porridge and not so much choice.”
Instead, said Chapman, she is “all but dizzy from the multitude of salads. They even have olives.”