By Chris Spargo for MailOnline
Published: 21:19 EST, 1 January 2015 | Updated: 10:04 EST, 2 January 2015
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The mother of a transgender teen who killed herself over the holiday season is speaking out, and making it clear she did not and does not approve of what she believes was her daughter's choice to be transgender.
Carla Alcorn of Kings Mills, Ohio said in an interview that she and her husband did not 'support' their daughter Leelah Alcorn, while also refusing to acknowledge her daughter's sex, using male pronouns and referring to her as 'him,' 'he' and 'son' throughout the interview.
However they insist they loved their child unconditionally and are devastated by the tragic suicide.
This just days after Leelah walked in front of a tractor trailer and ended her life, writing in her heartbreaking suicide note that because she was transgender, 'The life I would've lived isn't worth living in.'
Even more upsetting is the fact that she also shares how hopeful she once was in her letter, writing; 'When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness.'
Tragedy: Leelah Alcorn (above) took her own life on December 28 citing
Speaking out: In an interview, Leelah's mother Carla Alcorn (left) revealed that she did not support her transgender daughter, while the girl's father Don has remained silent
Speaking with CNN on Wednesday, Carla said of her transgender daughter; 'We don't support that, religiously.'
She then added; 'But we told him that we loved him unconditionally. We loved him no matter what. I loved my son. People need to know that I loved him. He was a good kid, a good boy.'
Carla and her husband Doug are devout Christians, and have other children, Leelah's siblings, who Carla says are trying to cope with the family's loss as she also deals with the fact that some think she and her husband are 'horrible people.'
Carla also took time to explain the motivation behind some of the decisions she and her husband made during Leelah's life, saying 'we didn't have the money for anything like that' when asked why they did not allow the teenager to have transition surgery, and citing their daughter's viewing of 'inappropriate' material as the reason for banning her from social media.
She did not reveal what that 'inappropriate material' was in her interview.
It is a very different story from the one Leelah tells in her suicide note, saying that it was after she had decided to come out as transgender at school that her parents punished her.
'So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends,' wrote Leelah.
'This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I'm surprised I didn't kill myself.'
Smiling: Leelah shows off her license in a photo that was shared by her father on Twitter
Remembering: A drawing of Leelah made after her tragic death
Carla says in the interview that she had never even heard her daughter use the name Leelah before, seeing it for the first time when her suicide note was posted on Tumblr after her death, and claims that her daughter had 'quit talking about' being transgender recently, this as she was put on medication to treat depression.
At another point she also says Leelah was an 'amazing musician and artist.'
Even more amazing however may be the call to action the 17-year-old gave at the end of her suicide note, and her hope that the tragedy of her death may result in changes to the mistreatment received by many transgender persons around the country and perhaps even the world.
'As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don't give a s**t which one,' she wrote.
'The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something.'
She then added; 'My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year.'
That dying wish is already being addressed by the Transgender Human Rights Institute, who have started a petition on Change.org to 'call upon the President of the United State- Barack Obama, and the Leadership of the House and Senate to immediately seek a pathway for banning the practice known as 'transgender conversion therapy.'
Leelah's parents forced her into conversion therapy, and also had her see Christian therapists, an experience she describes as them 'telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.'
Leelah's Alcorn Law, as it is being called, already has close to 200,000 signatures.
Her message is also being carried out by two of the biggest women in the transgender community, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock, with Cox promoting the teen's desire that her death mean something across social media, and Mock revealing she had a similarly difficult upbringing.
Leelah's suffering was not just documented in her suicide letter either, with the young girl also sharing her story as she looked for support and help on Reddit just two months ago from the 'abuse' she was suffering as a result of her parents refusal to accept her for who she was.
'As soon as I found out what transgender meant, I came out to my mom' she wrote.
'She reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong, and it felt awful.'
It then ends with a cry for help that many no doubt wish they saw or took more seriously; 'Please help me, I don't know what I should do and I can't take much more of this. I don't know if my problem is serious enough that I can contact authorities for help and even if it is I don't know how much that'll damage or help my current situation.'
Now all she is asking is that people address the problems facing transgender persons, and 'fix it.'
If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.
Please don't be sad, it's for the better. The life I would've lived isn't worth living in… because I'm transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy's body, and I've felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally 'boyish' things to try to fit in.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn't make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don't tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don't ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won't do anything but make them hate them self. That's exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn't receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
I formed a sort of a 'f*** you' attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that's obviously not what I wanted.
So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I'm surprised I didn't kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent's disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.
At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn't actually give a s**t about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like s**t because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I've had enough. I'm never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I'm never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I'm never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I'm never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I'm never going to find a man who loves me. I'm never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There's no winning. There's no way out. I'm sad enough already, I don't need my life to get any worse. People say 'it gets better' but that isn't true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That's the gist of it, that's why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that's not a good enough reason for you, it's good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don't give a s**t which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say 'that's f***ed up' and fix it. Fix society. Please.
Goodbye,
(Leelah) Josh Alcorn
The story and struggles of young transgendered people (related)