Which Is More Ludicrous? Donald Trump Edition - NYTimes.com

In this campaign season, when so much of what Republican presidential candidates say is made up, I thought it would be fun to play a game: “Which Is More Ludicrous?”

For example, which is more ludicrous? That Ben Carson stabbed another teenager when he was young and thinks it is relevant to being president of the United States? Or that he made up the story so he could say he got over it by finding Jesus?

Today’s game features Donald Trump. I know you’re shocked.

Which is more ludicrous? That Donald Trump fabricated a civil war battle that never occurred to make a golf course seem like hallowed ground? Or that he invented a Scottish coat of arms (for a golf course, naturally) and got in trouble with the Scottish heraldic authorities for trying to use it?

There are no winners in this game, just losers – the American public.

I had a tough time with the golf course/crest challenge. Trying to cash in on the spilled blood of Americans would be really creepy (although politicians, like Chris Christie, do it all the time). But is it bad to cash in on American blood that was never spilled?

Civil war historians say there was no battle at the site of Mr. Trump’s golf club in Virginia. Asked about this, Mr. Trump offered his usual excuse. It could have happened, he said. Soldiers crossed the Potomac, so someone must have been shot.

Well, no. Jeb Stuart once led troops across the Potomac River near the site of the Trump links, but no blood was spilled.

So that leaves the “Trump family crest,” which appears on the plaque commemorating the fake battle.

Mr. Trump just made the crest up, and claims it has some connection to the fact that his mother was Scottish. The keepers of coats of arms in Scotland said Mr. Trump’s crest was phony and illegal, but he finally managed to get permission to use a new version in 2012.

It includes rampant lying — I mean, a lion rampant. And a dodo bird — I mean eagle, clutching golf balls.

This made me jealous. My ancestors, Irish on my mother’s side and Russian Jews on my father’s, were peasants. Then I realized that I also have a Crest – in a blue tube on my sink. And it’s family sized.

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