(seatbelt clicks)
First time goin' to China?
Uh no, not really.
It's my first time.
I'm goin' out to try anddrum up a little business.
What are you headin' out for?
Uh, I work for aclothing company.
We're trying to breakinto the market
and get the Chinesepeople as customers.
Oh...
Hey...
(beep) you.
Huh?
I...
I had that idea likethree days ago.
[ Humming ]
Stan! Family meeting!Get downstairs!
I'm writing a song, Dad.
Nobody cares about that!
Come on!I've got big news!
[ Laughing ]
Sharon, Shelley!Hurry! I've got it!
What is it, Randy?
You guys...I've just hadthe greatest idea ever.
We're gonna move backto our old house?
No! I've been tryingto figure out
how to make more moneyselling weed.
And last nightit came to me.
We could grow the familybusiness by selling Tegridy...
to the Chinese.
[ Angelic chorus ]
I did a little research.
Turns out there's a lotof people in China.
If we can get like 2% of thatmarket to buy our weed,
we'd make millionsof millions of dollars.
I'm flyingto China tomorrow.
I've got to get in on thisbefore anyone else thinks of it.
Tomorrow?
Randy, are you forgetting aboutthis Saturday?
What's this Saturday?
Autumnfest?Stan's concert?
He and his little friends havebeen rehearsing all week.
A lot of people in town arecoming out to support him.
Everyone but you.
Everyone?
Stan, you need to wear
your Tegridy T-shirtat the performance.
Aw, come on, Dad!
Stan, they're availableon Amazon starting Friday,
so you could really help promotethe family business
while I'm gone!
But then again,I guess family doesn't mean
all that much to you.
♪♪
Both: ♪ Tumbleweedsand squirrels, my darlin' ♪
♪ Tumbleweeds and squirrels
Yeah.
Okay, that wasthe South Park Sounderoos.
Thanks again to Kate and Earl!
Alright,up next we have four of
our local South Park fourthgraders who have formed a band!
Let's hear it for Stan Marshand Crimson Dawn!
[ Applause ]
Hi, Stanley!
Oh,there's our Butters!
Oh, Butters!Oh, aren't they cute!
Um, hi.We're Crimson Dawn,
and um, this is a songI wrote about
living out in the countryon a farm.
Alright, f-f-fellas,just like we rehearsed it.
And a one and a twoand a --
[ Hardcore death metal playing ]
♪♪
[ Screams ]
♪♪
[ Growling ] ♪ Fate is over,open your eyes ♪
Get me off this farm!
♪ There is no hope,no second chance ♪
♪ All the elders saw,the fall of the sky ♪
♪♪
♪ Pride and glory
♪ To touch the skywe've burned the earth ♪
♪ Built our own infirmity
[ Chime dings ]
First timegoin' to China?
No, not really.
It's my first time.
I'm goin' out to try and drum upa little business.
What are youheadin' out for?
I work fora clothing company.
We're trying tobreak into the market
And get the Chinese peopleas customers.
Oh. [ Chuckles ] Hey.Fuck you.
Huh?
I -- I had that idealike three days ago.
So what?
So when did youcome up with it?
Oh, hey, Mitchell.You're on this flight?!
Yeah, that's so funny.I'm working for Google now,
overseeing the expansionsinto the Chinese user base.
Yeah,I'm still with the NBA.
Doing some presswith the players
to try to get moreChinese viewers.
Oh, for Christ's sake!
You have a good ideaand everyone wants to copy you!
Fine. I can handlesome healthy competition.
Who else wants to go to Chinaand get some of their money?
Oh, for crying' out loud.
[ Thump! ]
Let me guess,you work for a company
trying to get Chinese peopleas customers.
Wow, where'd you getthat idea?
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm sure there's plenty ofChinese people for all of us.
[ Growling ]♪ Searching, wandering
♪ Looking forthe perfect specimen ♪
♪ Still pure Hate this farm!
♪ Immature I hate this farm!
♪ Acknowledged sicknessconcealed, swaggering! ♪
♪ Unseen Hate this farm!
♪ Wandering I hate this farm!
♪ Looking forthe perfect specimen ♪
Okay, okay.Wait, uh, hang on, guys.
Very good, boys!
I heard you playat Autumnfest.
I really like your sound.
Who are you?Well, I'm a producer.
I manage all the big rock bandsin South Park.
PC Babies...
all of them.
You manage the PC Babies?
Holy smokes, fellas,they're huge!
You want to sign usso we can make a record
and I can moveaway from here?
Records? What are you kids,from the '90s?!
There's no money in albums orsingles or even tours anymore.
What we need to focus on...
is your biopic.
Biopic? You want to makethe Crimson Dawn biopic?
PC Babies' biopic came outlast week.
Made over $100 million.
Wow-ee!
Mrph rmh rmphm?
I'll just let you guysthink on it.
But don't take too long,huh?
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
Hello. Howdy.
I'm a small business ownerfrom the United States.
You guys knowany money people here?
Can I give you guys my card?
I'm just starting to growmy business here in China.
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
What is this, sir?
Oh, that? That's weed.
Marijuana.
You know...[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
Oh, here we go.
Jay shi daamaaTegridy Weed.
Whoa! Oh, hey!Everything alright?
What's going on?
Oh, hey, d-don't forgetmy suitcase!
C-Could you grab my suitcase?
All my weed is in there!
Excuse me?
Jay shi damaa!
It's a desire to be heard.
And a commitmentto a three-act structure
that has a 20-minute setup,
about an hour and a halfof conflict,
and a big,triumphant resolution.
So let's start at the beginning,gang.
When did your bandfirst form?
Um, it was about two weeksago --
Yeah, it was abouttwo and a half,
three weeks ago,I'd say --
I hadn't seenmy friend Kyle,
and I hate living on a farmso I started writing songs.
That's good, that's good!
Lost a close friend.
Put loneliness into lyrics.
Yeah, and Stan came to meand I said,
"Well,I can play the drums --"
But -- But he'd already asked meto play the drums.
So, yeah, I said,"Okay, I'll play guitar."
Inner conflict overdirection of band, good.
Oh, and then Kennylearned to play bass
watching YouTube videos ofJohn Lennon with the Dalai Lama.
Oh, oh, yeah, no, no,we don't want to go there.
Talking about the Dalai Lama
doesn't go over wellwith the Chinese.
The -- the --the what?
Look, for this movieto really make money,
we need to be sure it clearsthe Chinese censors, you know?
We wantthose Chinese viewers!
-Aw, seriously?-Oh, it's okay.
There's plenty of other thingsto talk about with your story.
How about --What kind of things
were you intowhen you were younger?
Well, I always likedWinnie the Pooh!
Oh, no, no, no, no no no,that's definitely off limits.
Winnie the Poohis illegal in China
becausesome Chinese students said
he looked likethe Chinese President.
Aw, come on.That's ridiculous.
Hey, you want to move awayfrom your family, right?
You want to be successfulon your own, right?
Yeah...
Alright, well,you know what they say --
You got to lower your idealsof freedom
if you want to suck onthe warm teat of China.
[ Machines whirring ]
[ Zapping ][ Groans ]
"I am a proud memberof the Communist Party.
The Party is more importantthan the individual."
[ Man pleading in Mandarin ]
[ Water dripping ]
Winnie the Pooh:Oh. Hello, there.
Who -- Who's there?
Nobody.Just a bear.
I was wonderingsince you're new,
if you mighthave some honey.
No,I don't have any honey.
Are you prisoners here?
Some people said Pooh lookedlike the Chinese P-P-President,
so we're illegalin China now.
Jesus.
What kind of mad houseis this?
[ Speaking Mandarin ]
[ Speaking Mandarin ]
Your Honors,I'm just a simple farmer,
from a simpler time.
Now, I'd never been to Chinabefore, but I hate to say,
I'm a little disappointedin all of you.
With what I've seen,
you -- you seem to treatyour people like dirt.
You don't believe inany individual freedoms.
I mean, you've gotWinnie the Pooh and Piglet
in jail?
Now, come on, China!
You know, a country ain'tnothing unless it's got
decency and integrity.
And I think I speak for Poohand Piglet and all of Disney
when I say you could use someTegridy, China!
Now, it just so happensthat I...
own a Tegridy farm.
And I think I might be ableto work out a deal
for all you nice folk.
[ Bell rings ]
Our bandis gonna be huge!
Yeah,and we're gonna be rich!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Yeah,isn't it just great?
Hey, what's wrong,Jimmy?
Fellas,I need to tell you something.
I think I'm homosexual.
And also,I'm addicted to cocaine.
Oh, that's okay, Jimmy.
Yeah, we can get youa liver transplant.
Record Producer: Cut! Cut!
Listen, guys, we, uh,
just got word backfrom the Chinese censors.
They don't want us mentioningorgan transplants.
How come?
Well, they've been accused ofharvesting organs from the --
L-Look, it doesn't matter.
They -- They just said noto the organ stuff.
Oh, and, uh,no homosexuality either.
No homosexuality?! We're tryingto do a band biopic!
Yeah, and what's wrong withhomosexuality, anyways?
Nothing!
Unless you want to makemoney in China.
Now, come on.Everyone back to one!
Alright,who's the asshole?
Which one of youdecided to go and start
badmouthingthe Chinese government?!
Who here thoughtthey had permission
to say anything criticalof Chinese politics?!
Well, it is true, sir.
The Chinese seem to exploittheir own people
with forced labor that --Shut the fuck up, Thor!
You're here to flexand not think, ya fuckin' bitch!
Please, Mr. Marsh was onlystanding up for me and Piglet.
Because we werepolitical prisoners.
You area fat diabetic bear,
and if the Chinesedon't want you,
then I don't either!
Now, who the fuckis Mr. Marsh?!
Oh, uh, that's me.Randy Marsh.
Who is this?I don't know you.
Are you from Pixar?
No,I'm from South Park.
What's South Park?Do I own that?
Man: No, not yet, sir.
You're telling me[Chuckles]
that I'm losingChinese customers
because of some shithead that'snot even from my company?!
Hey,hold on a minute!
You really think that businessshould be run
through intimidationand fear?
Whatever happened toold-time values?
You already have businesswith the Chinese.
You have all the connectionsmoney can buy.
But there's one thingyou don't have...
And that's Tegridy.
Now,it just so happens...
Yeah,what's wrong with that?
Well, boys,it seems to me
like your music is kind of...
angry, m'kay?
I mean it's really loud,m'kay. and it's a little angry.
Yeah, because I hate living ona farm 30 miles outside of town!
Yeah, tell him, Stan!
I can't standmy dad anymore!
And if I want to do death metal,I can! It's a free country!
Record Producer:Cut! Cut, cut! Cut!
Uh, kids, let's not say anythingabout this being a free country.
Aw, come on!
Hey, these guyswere nice enough
to come all the wayfrom China
to help uswith our standards.
We can at leastlisten to their notes.
Oh. Oh, ok--okay, okay.
Actually, gang, when need torewrite the whole second act.
But that'll take forever.Come on, guys.
Everyone else is fine with Chinaapproving our entertainment.
Even the PC Babiesdon't seem to mind.
And PC Babies cry abouteverything!
You just got to rewritethe script
before we continue shooting.
Go back to your roomand just write your story.
It has to comefrom your heart.
[ Mickey Mousespeaking Mandarin ]
[ Inhales deeply ]
It's like -- It's likethey didn't even want to listen.
They didn't listenat all?
[ Inhales deeply ]But why not?
It's the bear.
They're still pissed offabout the bear.
But for what?
Some Chinese peopleon the Internet
started posting picturesof their President
as Winnie the Pooh.
It's a real thing.Look it up.
Man, this isreally good shit.
So what if we took their side,then?
What if we showed Chinathat we understand how they feel
to be made fun ofon the Internet?
[ Owl hoots ]
Record Producer: Remember, write your story.
The script has to come from your heart.
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
[ Sighs ]
Now I know how all the writersin Hollywood feel.
[ Laughs ]
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
♪♪
My goodness, Pooh,China sure is a big p-p-place!
Yes, Piglet, it is.
Too big, I think,to find what I need.
Excuse me.
Huh?
Would you happen to havesome honey?
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
Oh, bother.
This just doesn't seema place for a bear.
Wait! Pooh! L-L-Look!
Oh! Piglet!
What wonderful luck!
Ohhh!What delicious honey!
I would like to share,Piglet,
perhapsI will share.
In just a few more slurpsI can --
Waah!
[ Choking ]
W-W-What are you do--What -- No! Ohh!
[ Choking ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Breathes heavily ]
I can't even thinkwith the Chinese government
censoringeverything I write.
So there's not gonna bea biopic movie for us?
It's so wrong,you know?
I mean, we live in a timewhere the only movies
that us American kids go see
are ones that areapproved by China.
Yeah, it's like Chinais the new MPAA.
Stinks to say goodbye to allthat biopic money and glory.
We just got to face it.
A death metal band is nevergonna make real money anymore.
The only band that would getapproved by China
would beall vanilla and cheesy.
I'm going to have to live onthat fucking farm forever.
Kyle!
Dude, you're back!
Yeah, the migrant detention campwas cool
but it kind of rubbed Kylethe wrong way.
Anything happenwhile we were gone?
Not really, we just almost had abiopic made for our band but --
Wait a minute...Wait. Vanilla and cheesy.
I've got it!I've got it!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Bang, bang
♪ Bang, bang
♪ Fingerbang, bang
♪ Bang, bang, bang
♪ I'm gonna fingerbang bang youinto my life ♪
♪ Girl, you like to fingerbangand it's alright ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the king offingerbang, let's not fight ♪
Cut. Cut!Cut!
This is all wrong!
No, it's good, kids.They're loving it.
Yeah, but I can't sell my soullike this.
I want to get away from thatfarm. more than anything.
But it's not worth living ina world where China
controls my country's art.
[ Speaks Mandarin ]
I don't carehow many people you have.
I've got something in methat just won't
let me be a partof all this.
Yeah. Whatever it is,I've got it too!
All: Yeah!
I want to be proudof who we are, guys.
And anybody who wouldbetray their ideals
just to make money in Chinaisn't worth a lick of spit.
Us Chinese people have always liked things
the old-fashioned way.
We like things a little simpler,
a little quieter.
And now, there's a new weed
that goes along with China's beating heart.
Because after a hard day of forced labor,
or gettin' beat for criticizing the government,
we all could use a little time
with some good ol' Rocky Mountain weed.
It's the soul of the American West,
right here in mother China.
All hail the Communist Party.
And all hail Tegridy Weed.
♪♪
Well, gang, looks likethe family business
is starting to reallyturn the corner.
I don't know about you,but I for one
think the world is going to bea better and safer place
now that Chinafinally has Tegridy.
Dad, why are you covered inhoney and blood?
Dad, did you killWinnie the Pooh?
Winnie the Pooh,Winnie the Pooh...
Oh, yeah, I didkill Winnie the Pooh.
Where are you going,Stan?
I'm going to go writeanother song about you.
Oooh, about me?!
Make sure it talks about mebringing Tegridy to China!